I began my relationship with God when I was a kid. I knew He existed but that was it. For most of my teenage and early adult life, I would claim that I believed in God but not the Bible. I would get into deep conversations with friends and family about how the Bible contradicted itself and didn't explain the dinosaurs, so on and so forth. Then something amazing happened around 2008. My Father-n-law sent me an email called "God vs. Science" and I was hooked. I begin studying the Bible, researching, talking to others, asking hard questions and documenting what I had found and thought.
On April 23, 2009, at 11:20 pm, I got saved in the kitchen of my home!! A few weeks before, I had gotten a "sinner's prayer" off of the internet. Every time I was done studying the Word I would read it out loud. However, I couldn't get past the part where Jesus died on the cross for me. I just didn't understand why someone would take the punishment for my wrongdoings. On this particular night, after doing a study on anger and revenge something clicked! I finally understood the price that Jesus paid for my soul. This weird feeling came over me. Honestly, it felt like that same "out of control-jittery-excited-tunnel vision" feeling that I would get from cocaine. It freaked me out! I was crying, scared and my heart was beating so hard but that didn't stop me from being skeptical. I NEEDED proof. I said to the Lord, "You know me. You know I need proof. I need something concrete." I grabbed my Bible and ran to my room. I threw the Bible on the bed, threw myself on the bed and started praying, "Lord, I need to know if this is you! Show me on paper what it means to be saved". I just opened my Bible. It opened in Isaiah 47-48 and I started reading. It made NO sense and the fan was blowing the pages, I became irritated. So I gave up and allowed the fan to blow the pages where they wanted to go. It landed in Isaiah 45-47 and the main caption at the top of the page read: "Look at me and be saved"!! The words on the page proclaimed the truth, "Surely God is in you" and "O'God of Israel, the savior". My heavenly Father answered my prayers and gave me proof on paper that he come to live inside me. Hallelujah, I am SAVED!
Although I was saved and my relationship with the Lord was growing, I still lived in sin. Some of it I knew was sinful, some of it I had no idea. I sure am glad that Jesus leaves the 99 to run after the one. For eight years I struggled. I church hopped. I had no fellowship. I became depressed and completely overran with sadness and anger. February 9, 2017, the enemy had me right where he wanted me, drunk and violently angry at a demonic rave! Praise Jesus because he came in the middle of the devil's den to save me at my lowest point. A few days later, I got on my knees and begged the Lord to take my life. Instead of taking my physical life, he took my worldly life. My whole perspective of life changed. I stopped drinking and doing drugs. I stopped hanging out with people that did. After making that radical commit to Jesus my whole life and relationships with others changed. I am blessed above and beyond anything I could have ever imagined. The Lord gave me a church in early March 2017. It is full of my Godly and loving family-n-Christ. My husband is now saved and sober. People that are extremely close to me are getting saved and sober. In September 2017, I took a week to be with the Father on a trip called "Quest". It was the best experience of my life. It allowed God to break down walls and free me of chains of my own making. The Quest started a richness in relationship with other believers that I've never experienced in the world. These people are my true brothers and sisters. I am extremely grateful for all of these relationships because for so long I felt nothing but alone, sad, and abandoned. Now, I'm a part of something wonderful that Jesus is working in all of us.
My message to you is that you don't have to know everything about the Bible or the process, you don't have to get cleaned up first or work hard to achieve salvation. You simply have to believe! Call on the name of the one that can save you, the one that has already paid the price for your sins. Call on Jesus.
"Behold, I'm standing at the door, knocking. If your heart is open to hearing my voice and you open the door within, I will come into you and feast with you, and you will feast with me. And to the one who conquers I will give the privilege of sitting with me on my throne, just as I conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne." - Revelation 3:20-21 (The Passion Translation)